Chris and I are in a weird place right now. You see, it's pea harvest time. Peas are a delicate vegetable and must be harvest when they are at a certain point on the tenderometer. That means Chris is working A LOT of hours. At least 14 a day, sometimes more. And 7 days a week. It's tough. Helen misses her daddy. I miss him too.
The other night Chris and I were talking in bed. We were both almost asleep and weren't making a lot of sense. He said something about how we never talk anymore. I told him that I don't have a lot to say because I all I ever do is stay home with the kids (yes, I was being a bit petulant. Honestly, I was upset because I can't do something I want to do because of pea harvest.) Chris responded that he doesn't have a lot to say either, all he does is look at peas all day.
Oh, yeah. This is a hard time of year for him too. Sometimes that's hard for me to remember. This is his dream job and I know he loves what he does. But, still, it is work and it is hard work. I need to remember that.
Here's the thing about being a stay at home mom: sometimes it's lonely. Especially where we live, in the middle of nowhere. I am surrounded on three sides by wheat fields and on the fourth by a pea field (which, now that it is harvested just creates a lot of dust in my house). I can't pop in on neighbors. We do go to town once or twice a week and it is only 6 miles or so but that's not always easy with two kids!
I know I am lucky to be able to stay at home with my kids. Not everyone has this choice and it was a choice I made happily. I know my kids won't always be small and I do cherish this time with them. I know they are benefiting from my constant presence. But sometimes it's hard. Sometimes I get tired. Sometimes I'm lonely. And right now, because of pea harvest, I'm really missing my husband.
I'm in the middle of reading Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson. So far I'm enjoying it. I don't agree with everything he says but he does make a lot of good points...really, I think they are applicable to raising boys and girls but Dobson is speaking to parents of boys. So, this post is really just my way of processing what I'm reading...I'm not sure that all my thoughts are together so I may not make a lot of sense.
So, I do feel like raising a little man is a big responsibility. I do believe that there are differences between boys and girls and I think we will have different expectations for Patrick and Helen as they grow up. Some of those differences will be based on their different abilities and talents but I do think there will be some differences because of their gender differences. I'm not sure how it will all play out but I do intend to raise Helen to be a woman and Patrick to be a man. Obviously.
Still, Helen will get auto mechanic and home repair lessons and Patrick will learn to cook. I don't think those things are gender specific. Some of the things Dobson has said seem to imply that little boys shouldn't play with dolls or tea sets...that is something I don't agree with at all. I want to raise a man who will cuddle and love his future children...pretend play with dolls is good practice for that. I also want to raise a daughter who is self sufficient...I do want her to depend on her husband someday but not because she can't take care of herself, because she WANTS to depend on him.
In part of the book Dobson talks about how fathers should play with their sons in ways that they wouldn't play with their daughters. I'm a little uncertain about that. Chris rough houses with Helen, why shouldn't he? Someday he'll rough house with Patrick too. I expect Helen and Patrick to wrestle around together as well. I do think boys and girls are different but I also think that a lot of the needs of little girls and little boys are the same.
I'm also having a hard time with Dobson's chapter on homosexuality. I don't think that a 2 year old who tries mama's make up or puts on dresses is headed toward homosexuality. I don't think that a little girl who says she wants to be a boy is going to become a lesbian. I personally think these kinds of things are part of figuring out what makes girls and boys different. Dobson seems a bit hysterical about it in some ways.
Anyway, I'm about halfway through the book and it is really making me think about how raising my son will be different from raising my daughter. I know my husband's sister really felt like their parents were unfair in the differences in how they treated brother and sister. That's not what I want for my kids. I only have sisters so in some ways I feel like I'm going to have to learn all this little boy stuff from scratch. I guess that's what parenting is all about.
I imagine I'll be back to this topic at another time. I'm still processing a lot of what Dobson says in this book.
Around here the end of June/beginning of July is all about Walla Walla Sweet Onions. We wait with baited breath for them to be ready. It is all we dream about. Although the asparagus and strawberries are usually ready first, nothing says summer to us like our sweet onions. The onions we're growing in the garden aren't ready yet but the farmers plant a lot earlier than we do so they are definitely available at the farm stands. The other day I got a 10lb bag for $4.50...not a bad price for the best onions in the world.
So, last night we had Walla Walla Sweet onion rings with our dinner. They were fantastic. A great crunchy coating and then a burst of sweet juicy onion. I could eat these every night. I paired them with BBQ chicken, field fresh peas and fresh strawberries...it was a perfect summer meal!
Walla Walla Sweet Onion Rings
3/4 cup flour 2/3 cup milk 1 egg 1 TB canola oil salt paprika
Mix ingredients together until smooth. Slice an onion or two (how many depends on how large your onions are and how many people you are feeding)in 1/4 inch slices and separate into rings. Drop in coating and take out with fork, allowing excess batter to drip off. Fry in about 1 inch oil heated to 365 for 2 - 3 minutes. Rings can be kept hot in 300 oven but they aren't as crispy that way.
Looking for other in season recipes? Check out the In Season Recipe Swap at Tammy's Recipes.
I love weddings. They put me right back to that day more than 7 years ago when I married my best friend. Weddings are a great reminder of our commitment to each other...they are also usually a pretty good time!
This weekend my sister in law got married. It was a lovely day and a lovely, God-honoring ceremony. I was happy to be a part of the wedding. I was a bridesmaid and Helen was the flower girl. She was adorable. She wouldn't walk down the aisle by herself so Chris had to go with her. All I thought about while watching them walk together was that it will all go by in a flash and before I know it he'll be walking her down another aisle...at her own wedding.
During the reception a bunch of toasts were made. One of the groomsmen (he was one of the groom's brothers) made a bunch of nice comments and then said that Jason (the groom) has always been great but that when he started dating Jen (the bride) he became Super Jason. What a lovely statement! He is better with her than without. It made me wonder: is Chris SUPER Chris because of me? Or do I drag him down. A thought to ponder...and another great thing about this weekend's wedding.
Patrick is teething. He may not actually get a tooth for months still but he is definitely working on it. So, he's irritable lately. That's not a lot of fun, especially because he is at his most irritable right around the time that Chris gets home from work. What a thing to come home to...a frazzled wife trying to cook dinner, a bored toddler tired of her brother's crying and a screaming baby. I try to remember that Chris has been working all day...even though I'm also ready for a break!
Patrick is a breastfed baby. I nursed Helen for 16 months and will probably do something similar with Patrick. Helen essentially weaned herself and I think I'll let Patrick lead the way when it is time. For some reason he's been rejecting my right side lately. If I try to feed him on the right he gets stiff as a bored and pulls away. He'll cry and cry and then as soon as I switch to the left side he calms right down and starts eating. I'm not sure why he is doing this...maybe it is related to teething. Perhaps something about the way he lays on the right bothers him? Hmm...I don't know. Thankfully, he'll usually eat on the right a few times a day so I'm not too engorged (or lop-sided!).
We are also semi-co-sleeping with Patrick, much like we did with Helen. I never thought I'd be the type to co-sleep. Before I had kids I really just couldn't understand why people did that. Now I get it. Really , a big part of me just believes that babies aren't meant to be away from their mothers for the first year or so. I just think they need that extra comfort and attention.
Patrick naps in his crib and he usually starts the night out in the crib. But at 1 or 2 he wakes for his middle of the night feeding and I bring him to our bed then. Partly this is because I am really not good at the lost sleep part of parenting an infant. Partly this is because Patrick really only likes to sleep on his stomach and that makes Chris nervous. He'd rather have the baby in bed with us than keep him on his stomach all night. Partly this is because Patrick sleeps so well when he is beside me.
I remember when Helen was a baby. I fought the co-sleeping thing. I spent night after sleepless night trying to get her to sleep in her crib. She just did not like the crib. So, it was either sleep in the recliner with her in my arms or put her beside me in bed. We finally gave up on the crib when she was one. We got a toddler bed and she actually slept pretty well in that...but she still ended up in our bed sometime in the middle of the night. This went on until she was around 2 or so. Now she's nearly 3 and she happily sleeps the night away in her own bed.
In the grand scheme of things, sharing a bed with a baby for 2 years isn't that big of a deal. And it is something I kind of enjoy. I love the weight of a baby by my side. I love how he bangs my side with his head when he's rooting around in the middle of the night. I love that I feel so much more rested in the morning when I haven't had to get up multiple times for a baby.
This is what works for us. Obviously, it wouldn't work for everyone. That's my parenting philosophy in a nutshell: find what works for you and do it. Who cares what anyone else says?
This is a post I've been thinking about a lot but I've been hesitant to write it. Really it is just me thinking out loud (in writing, I guess). I'm trying to make sure I don't give a wrong impression about who I am and how I discipline.
Before we had kids I didn't think I wanted to spank my kids. I don't like the idea of corporal punishment and I don't like being the administrator of that kind of punishment. Hitting doesn't solve anything and I don't want to teach my kids to hit. So, I didn't think I would spank my kids.
Then I had kids. Helen is a lovely, intelligent child who loves to push her boundaries. Sometimes no amount of saying no will stop her from doing what she shouldn't be doing. Sometimes the only way to get her attention is to spank her. She's not yet three. Taking away privileges doesn't really work, it isn't immediate enough and, plus, there aren't a lot of things I could take away from her that wouldn't also be punishing myself in some way. I like taking her to the park, for example, so taking that away from her, which would be a punishment, would also be taking away from my quality time with her and a nice time away from the house. That's not really what I'm trying to accomplish with discipline.
Back to spanking. Sometimes when she is being her almost-3-year-old temper-tantrum-throwing self I find myself getting angry or frustrated. But I don't want to spank her because I am angry or frustrated. My purpose in spanking is to correct bad behavior. But how do I get that message across and not the don't make mommy mad or she'll spank you message?
This is one difficult thing about being the parent who is with the children most. I end up doing the vast majority of the disciplining because I am the person here when behavior issues crop up. My husband works a lot. When he comes home Helen is thrilled to have her daddy home and acts like sunshine and flowers. Sometimes she does not have her best behavior on for me. I don't want to be the mean parent. I want to be the fun parent! I also refuse to wait until daddy comes home to deal with discipline issues. Doing that doesn't address the issue when it needs to be addressed and it also turns daddy's homecoming into something to be afraid of. I don't want that.
Patrick Roscoe Williams March 26, 2009 8lbs 13 oz 21.5 inches
Helen spent the last month of my pregnancy pulling my shirt up and screaming at my belly button, “come out baby brother.”We installed the baby’s car seat and Helen would sit back there and cry “I want the baby there.”Oh, I wanted him there too.I was just waiting for him to make his entrance.
I had been induced with my daughter and was determined to try and wait for nature to take its course this time around.At 37 weeks when my doctor checked my cervix I was already dilated to 2 centimeters.Alright, I thought, this one’s coming soon.38 weeks came and went with no baby.39 weeks, no baby.At my 40 week appointment my blood pressure suddenly spiked.My doctor thought my baby was getting pretty big.He asked me to think about induction.I was ready so I agreed and we scheduled an induction for a week later.I thought I wouldn’t really need that appointment…surely I’d go in to labor on my own.
Well, that week went by and it was one of the longest weeks of my life.Every night I sat in my recliner timing contractions that never got serious.Every night I thought it would be my daughter’s last day as an only child.Every night I was disappointed.
Chris woke me up at 5 am on March 26, 2009, the day of my appointment.We were supposed to check in at the hospital by 6 and had to get a move on.I showered and got things ready.Then I cried.I changed my mind.I didn’t want a second child.I was going to miss my Helen.Clearly the hormones were running that morning!We said goodbye to my mother in law and told her to tell Helen that we love her and that we’d come home with her brother soon!
When we got to the hospital we went through all the check in stuff.I got an IV put in and changed in to that fashionable gown they give you.My doctor came in at around 7 and broke my water.We hoped that rupturing the membranes would get my labor going and I wouldn’t have to have pitocin or other labor-enhancing drugs.Chris and I started walking the halls of the hospital.We walked for a couple of hours but I wasn’t really having any contractions…at least none to speak of.At 10 my doctor came back around and suggested starting a small dose of pit.I agreed…I just wanted to get this baby here.
I really wanted to soldier through without an epidural this time.I had an epidural with Helen and I hated it.I don’t like the way they make me feel, I don’t like being numb, I just don’t like it.When my doctor came back at around 1 pm, though, I was still only dilated to 3 cm and thought it was likely to be a long time before my baby made his entrance.The contractions were super strong and I caved in and asked for the epidural.
The anesthesiologist took a while to get there so I didn’t actually get the epi until 2:30 or so.I felt a little better after it was in but was also disappointed that I’d given in.Still, the relief gave me some rest, which was nice.After about an hour I felt a lot of pressure and started getting an incredible urge to push.My nurse didn’t really believe me (I’d been 4 cm when the epi was administered) but I convinced her to check me anyway.She checked and, just as I’d thought, I was 10 cm and the baby was practically crowning!Good thing we checked just then because my doctor was about to go into surgery and wouldn’t have made it if it had been any later!
I pushed for maybe 10 minutes and at 3:57 the most beautiful blonde boy made his way into the world.My hubby and I looked at each other and just knew that the name we’d picked wasn’t going to work out.This was no John, this precious one was Patrick Roscoe. He is named Patrick after my grandma, Patricia, and Roscoe after my grandpa, John Roscoe. We were so thrilled to meet him and think he is a perfect addition to our family!Helen loves him too.
